Dad
Beat Dead.com.
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Tell about Your LIFE EXPERIENCE
re: DIVORCE AND CUSTODY
Good Morning, >
While watching the show this morning, I caught a glimpse of someone holding a > sign advertising this site! > > Thanks for being a part of trying to find a solution! While our trials and > tribulations have been minimal (compared to those of other men) they are > still emotionally degrading. We do our best to stay involved with the kids, > and they LOVE comming to visit us. Our major gripe is that we pay full child > support TO THE MOTHER during the 8 weeks a year they are with us. She is > SUPPOSED to pay 50% of the airfare, but only up to a maximum of $570 yearly > (how nice of the Judge to put a limit on how much she had to contribute!). > She is now in arrears over $1000. We have filed contempt charges and are > going Pro Se, as we have lost all confidence in lawyers. > > Thanks for letting me vent ... > > I will post your site on Divorcenet.com, and will check back about your book. > > Deb and Ron > Arizona
Hello
I saw your DAD BEAT DEAD sign on Good Morning America or the Today > show---anyways--one of the morning shows. I had to really look hard, > because the name sounded weird--I thought it was some sick kid that had this > horrible site about dead dad's or something---LOL > So--I thought I would go to it and see what it was all about. I think it is > a great site and I could not agree with you more. It is really sad how the > women can > do ANYTHING they want and act anyway they want and the dad's can be just > wonderful father's---BUT----the courts give the mother's the children and the > house and assets and so on. So its a loose/loose situation--the mom's can be > slime and get EVERYTHING. > I am married and have two little girls ages 2 and 4 and I just could never > imagine leaving my husband and on top of that I could never imagine another > man in my children's lives-- > You know what I think a lot of today's problems are....We in today's world > have forgotten the Godly foundation upon which this country was built. > When you push God out ---you bring Satan right in, and look at the effects. > For example 30 years ago--you hardly ever heard of divorce in the first place > and secondly look at our television programs that we have today---30 years > ago the Andy Griffith Show was the #1 program and look what we have today. > God tells us clearly in the Bible that the HUSBAND is the head of the > household and the head of HIS Children........anyways----I am getting all > worked up...LOL > But I am like you---I just think that Father's are so important in the > children's lives. Again--look at the Bible--when the children in the Bible > needed advice or guidence--the Bible always showed where the children would > come to their Father's--not the Mother's. I wish you all the luck in the > world and I will pray for you, and I will pray for your children. God Bless! > > Kristi Ussery
Ken;
I caught a glimpse of someone holding a sign with your website address in the crowd on Good Morning America this morning. I thought I'd check it out, guessing from the name what it was about. I'm very sorry for your pain. I have said a prayer for you. My husband's story turned out happier than yours. But I remember the days when things looked very bad for him and his son. So I can empathize a bit with your pain. I'm a second wife, a stepmom. I wish you well. I hope that others saw your website address on GMA this morning and will check it out. Maybe you can help another father or one of them can help you. Good Luck
Ken;
God Bless you and all your efforts. I am the present wife of a divorced dad and reading your story was like reliving his. His ex tried to have him killed, leaving him with metal plates in half of his head. She took off to Alaska with their three kids and he has been paying child support regularly ever since, but has only seen them once for six months in the past ten years, and that was only because she found out that he was about to have another child with me, and thought she could get back together with him, even though she was married. We were unmarried at the time( couldn't afford a wedding) so she thought she would weasel her way back into his life. She found out she was wrong. She was proven an unfit mother to her first child, is on her third marriage and possibly divorce, has been in and out of psychiatric care for over 7 years, has left both his three children and he FOUR step-children alone while she left the state at least 6 times in the past year. We even have written documentation from her husband that she is mentally unstable and the children should be with us. All of this has been passed along to child welfare agencies in three different states, and she still goes unpunished and is still receiving child support, welfare and the works. She is an embarassment to the good mothers of this world. She doesn't deserve to have children and if I didn't have a child of my own to consider, I'd probably take the law into my own hands. I am so glad I found your site, it is refreshing to know that SOMEONE is trying to change the sorry excuse for a child welfare system in this country. Please let me know what, if anything I can do to assist you in your efforts. You are a martyr and a saint. God bless your children and bring them to you safely very soon. Nicole Dollins Orlando, Florida
Ken,
I just shook my head as I read your query just now. God damn! I know exactly what you're going through.I"ve been through it myself, and, of course I have my own story. A fucking nightmare of bureaucracy, slime, underhandedness, etc., etc. I have a couple of grown-but-yet-alienated "kids," too. Same shit, There are hundreds of thousands of us and I fully agree it"s a story that MUST be told. "Dad beat dead" is the right title for this book, which describes an epidemic of utter unfairness re custory, et al. I wish to god I could help, but GAFF PRESS is financially hung up at the moment, while I try to finish my own current book. I"ve thought many times of writing a book similar to yours. I think it will sell, and it's definitely a story whose time has come. I cannot imagine that you wouldn't find a publisher. I've tried using the net, also, to market my work. Not much success, as most publishers are stuck in the utterly outmoded snailmail submissions syndrome. You might (as I have) try agents who publicize on the net, but be wary as hell. Many of them are just like lawyers in terms of ethics. By all means, please do keep pushing, keep submitting, no matter how long it takes. You WILL find a publisher. The book is simply irresistable, just from the title. We're like fucking combat veterans, Man. Nobody who hasn't been through it can understand. What an awful thing to do to a parent! Kids need parents. I'll never quit being bitter about the fucked-up system and the inhuman things it and the ex-wife did to me and thousands of others like me. What a shitty term: "Deadbeat dad," indeed. Write back, my friend. I don't know how I can help, but you certainly have an ally in me. Your Ally, Paul
\Dear Ken,
I agree 100% with your story and your views on how "dads" are labeled as soon as the marriage goes bad. I am a single mother, however i have several male friends that are in similiar situations as yours, and immediately the court honors the mother. I do not understand this and I hope you can make a difference, I personally have called social services, 241-KIDS, and other authorities on some mothers where i suspected neglect or abuse, and NEVER does anyone respond, but look out if it's dad, a man, they 're pounding on the door before you hang up the phone. Like i said, i am a female, but i agree some of these mothers get so sick and twisted and use their kids to their advantage, like pawns, and nobody wants to deal with it. Lots of Luck To You!
Dear Ken,
Thank you for writing. I've been on the computer all day so I will make this brief. Your story sounds very similar to mine. I too started a journal after my wife left. It along with the reams of court filings, video documentation of armed threats against me by the XXX's boyfriend and unlawful enforcement personnel make for a very compelling story of corruption. (I rate her a triple X because I was her 3rd husband.) I have 4 beautiful children ages 6 to 14. They are suffering in a terrible way since the boyfriend and the XXX abducted them from their private school and received custody. I have discovered that the real problem in this issue is the corruption of the Marriage covenant with the commercial process known as domestic relations. We have allowed the courts to apply a counterfeit form of marriage to hear these disputes. I am currently moving my way through the state supreme court. This battle is with the corrupt judiciary more than with the X. She's just the government's tool for advancing a political agenda.
God Bless you in your endeavors, Robert R.
Hi,
I am writing to you for help. I have a boyfriend of 2 years who has been going through a child custody battle over the past 2.5 years, and now, due to all his ex-wifes made up lies, he has had all rights as a father taken away, and he has not seen his children in over a year, and he lives within 20 miles of them. I am a women, and I know how vendictive women can be, and I do feel that men get shafted by the court system. I am a single mother of 2, and I wouldn't even care if my ex was not able to pay child support, he would still be allowed to see his children. I am terrible hurt by your story, but I think we can share in the same sadness. If you have any advice or help, please write back. Thank you so much for your time.
Pam
Hello Ken,
I am Jason ******** from Thunder Bay, On. I am currently going through a separation and am trying to locate and prove to my wife that a 50/50 split of the children is the best solution. Support has nothing to do with why I want 50/50 I would be willing to pay $1,000,000 a month to be able to share my children's years as they grow up. If it goes to court I will most likely take full custody of the children but that would not be fair to the children because My beleifes are that the best parents is both parents. Can you help locate a child that has been in a 50/50 relationship with their parents or even some statistics on the benefits of 50/50 custody. Your help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you
Dear Ken,
I came across your message while looking for things my husband could use in court. My husband is currently fighting his ex-wife to get the opportunity to share in his daughter's life. After seeing your story I will have to say my husband has been more fortunate than you. While she certainly wanted him out of their daughter's life she did not succeed the way your ex-wives did. She left my husband before she got pregnant and became pregnant during one of their "trying to get back together" periods. She left him for good before The child was born. When they divorced a year later he agreed to her having sole custody and he would get "liberal rights of vistitation". This was his first mistake. He soon realized that "liberal rights of visitation" didn't mean anything and he only got to see the baby when it was convienient for his ex-wife. But he paid his child support and begged to see his daughter constantly. He never gave up. When I met him the child was 2 1/2 years old. The mother had changed her first name but my husband, Paul, was still calling her by the name they had decided on when she was born. The mother had also already told Paul that the baby would be better off without him and if he would walk away he would never have to pay another cent. When I came along he was in deep debt from the marriage and divorce and deep depression also. Just before he and I married (when the child was 4) we scrapped together $500 to pay an attorney friend of Paul's to get him some kind of regular visitation. Our attorney was not a family attorney and really had no idea what he was doing but it was the best we could do at the time. After 6 months of fighting the ex-wife finally agreed to a visitation order. It wasn't enough, not even what other non-custodial father's have, but it was all we could get without going to court and we could not afford that. Of course we also ended up paying more child support. I did not think we would ever recover from all the debt brought on by his divorce and child support. Now the child is 10 years old. He has a pretty good relationship with her but her mother moved her to a city two hours away and he can no longer have contact with her on a weekly basis. In the last 6 years we have caught the mother changing the child's last name to her husband's name six or seven times. She won't refer to Paul as "your father" or "your Dad" when she talks to the child. She won't tell Paul about things the child is involved in unless it is going to occur on his weekend. We literally have to badger her to get educational information out of her not that she home schools the child. At least when she was in private or public schools my husband could go to the school and get the information he needed. Of course even that wasn't always the case because when they first put her in private school. His ex-wife and her husband enrolled the child under his name and told the school that her real father had no contact with her in order to explain the fact that the name on the birth certificate was different from the one they enrolled her with. When Paul couldn't get any information out of the mother he went to the school who of course had no idea who he was and weren't about to give him information about the child. He had to have another attorney friend threaten to bring action against the school in order to get them to let him have access to it. His ex-wife was furious of course. She would tell him all he did was make things harder for the child. After two years of hanging around the school and volunteering for anything they needed they finally realized that he was a good person committed to being a father to his child. That's when the mother changed the child's school. Paul had to start all over again. Now the mother and her husband have taken the child two hours away and home school her to cut down on his contact with her. We only have to drive half the way to get her but when she is involved with something like soccer or a church play it puts us on the road as much as 20 hours in a month and sometimes even more. The last straw was this last school year when it took us eight months to get her to answer some of our questions about home school. She refuses to talk on the phone to him and makes him correspond through letters. She says it is because she can't handle the stress but it is because she knows she would have to answer the questions. We found out she registered the child under the husbands last name at the home school association so Paul decided that was it. The child says she had two last names with a hyphon between. This is getting rediculous. We hired an attorney that filed a suit but the courts don't have time to hear it so we either have to settle ourselves or go to mediation. I was wondering if you knew of any good resources or had come across anything we could use to help get the courts to realize that my husband is important to. All he has ever wanted was to be apart of the child's life. He lets the mother make the decisions he just wants to know what they are and see his daughter. Again, since we have filed they are asking for more child support.
What do you think?
Hello,
My name is Robert R. I have been using the E-mail address: dadbeatdead@juno.com for the past 3 years. I have been using this moniker to expose the corruption that is taking place against fathers throughout this country. I am currently in a battle to get my 2 sons and 2 daughters out of the grip of the state of Oregon. I am curious to know if you are using this name for the same type of purpose? Can you please respond?
Thank You,
Subject: don't stop fighting I too saw your sign on the Today show and was curious. As a mother of 3 I completely agree and support your. It's not fair. I am the product of a man who after 27 years still claims I am not his child and I also have a daughter who's real father honestly could care less about her. It is refreshing to see that not all fathers are ***holes. I have seen stories like yours too many times and it's NOT FAIR!! Don't give up and keep on fighting the system. Eventually, hopefully people will start to understand. Sincerely Misty, Norfolk, Va
Reversal;
I'm not sure if this is where I write you, but it was the only address given. I saw a genteman holding a sign on Good Morning America saying "dadbeatdead.com" and it took a minute to register. I automatically thought "dead beat dad". It sparked my interest, so here I am! I scanned over your web site and I was pretty impressed. I am a single mother(divorced) of a 7yr. old boy, about to re marry. I would gladly support any Dad who really DOES want to be in their kids lives and the mother is preventing that. I unfotunately, have experienced the opposite for the past 3+ years. I suppose because there are so many "Dads" who up and walk away from their kids completley, we forget about those who aren't given a choice. I literally forced my ex to take my son for a visit, where he left him inside watching a movie and went outside for 2 hours and played football with his buddies. He has never petitioned for ANY custody, visitation, etc., yet he runs around saying I WON'T let him see his son. Go Figure! In closing, I want to extend my sympathy to those of you Father's who aren't given an oppurtunity. I believe it's the bastards who ARE given the chance and blow it, who ruin it for the sincere Dads. Good luck, and never stop pursing those kids. You will have the chance someday, whether it be 25 years from now. If you have sincerely given it your best, and your child comes knocking on your door someday and asks "Why?", you will have all the proof.
Take care and God Bless...Jamie, N.Y.
Good,
Saw you on Today Show and wanted to respond..I may be getting involved with a men's movement here. Please keep me posted. I had a similar experience 25 years ago...very ugly. Its time someone is bringing this to the forefront. Did you get other respponses from Today show background appearance?
Peter Fayetteville New York
From: holli@
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 9:50 AM
Almost two months ago my brother suffered probably the hugest loss of his whole life. His ex ran off with his daughter my niece. she said she was going to New Hampshire for the weekend but I later discovered she had ran off to Florida with a boyfriend and no money. He has got a court order but has no way to serve it as her family will not cooperate in helping us locate them. To the best of our knowledge we are at a road block. Isn't there anything else we can do? It just doesn't seem fair.
From: Jim@
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 10:50 AM
Subject: (no subject)
Is there any kind of help other than through an attorney, which can be utilized to help my brother obtain custody of his children? His wife left o Fla from DE in 1998. She took both children then they were age4&7. Since that time, we have had them every Summer, and times during the holidays. There are no orders in place, however, this year she upped the annie if we want to see them. The kids would rather be here than there, but the ex-wife will only let them return a call or email, after she gets money. which is after she sets her price. Her price changes monthly.
Jim
From chch@
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 10:19 AM
Subject: i am the girlfreind of a 16 year old dad beat dead
Dear ken i am the girlfreinnd of a 16 year old dad, he became one on december 21st 2000 he went to get a blood test to see if it was his child, it was and then he went on a mission to see his son it took3 lawyers and 4 court dates to even get the girl who got pregnant to evenlet him see his son, one court date they only got to get the child lagitimated(with his last name) 2 court dates and five months later!, the mother finally said that my boyfreind could see his son on wednesdaynights and every other saturday the first time he saw his son was on june second 2001 i was there to greet him also i saw the joy on his face when finnaly he saw his beloved son i love both of them and im tired of seeing my boyfreinds hurt on his face when he has to give his flesh and blood back to a women who hates kids, hates him and hates me.is this fair? to do this to a dad i think not she only wants the money ($98 a month) but not the involvment. i want my boyfreind to get at least a whole weekend with his son every other weekend can you help us reach that goal? any help would be apprishiated i love them both very much. e-mail me at ____________________ please hurry! thank you, liz
From: GOBUX
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 11:39 AM
Subject: (no subject)
Dear Ken .... My sons situation is somewhat different as he was not married to the mother of his daughter , they were both 17 yrs. old and had the baby, kept it secret for 9 months then Mom decided to give the baby up at the hospital the day of birth, her mother persuaded her to go back 24 hours later and take my granddaughter home. We all met Addie when she was 3 weeks old. My son and Addie's mother both fisinshed school and then it happened..... mom got a boyfriend, so she thru my son and us out of Addie's life . That was in 1999 since this time we have been in court for horrible and and outrageous accusations. My son has been accused of sexual molestation, devil worshiping and domestic violence , which was all after months of court hearings , and lawyer fees and evaluations were unfounded.. My son has complied with every outrageous order from the court , his attorneys and his daughters mother, he has finally won shared parenting 8000.00 dollars later and this means he pays all of his daughters ;medical, moms pays 0.00 of this , he pays child support , but he also has more visitation with his daughter,but mom keeps changing the rules so we are on pins and needles waiting to see what her next move is. There is something called a Safety Net his attorney is trying to get that if he goes back into court for any reason his daughters mother will foot the bill for everything. Thanks for listening to our story and our prayer are with you .
grammy is OHIO !
From: Alan@
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 12:42 PM
Subject: Hi Ken
Hi, Ken... Saw your sign on the Matt Lauhuhuhuer (sic!) show this morning.. Was that you holding the sign? An excellent promotion idea... Although I have no children... I support your cause and I see this every day, even have had some friends in this position. I feel you are absolutely right and hope I never find myself in this position... best of luck and all my support... if there is anything I can do to help the cause (with my meager means) please let me know.... :)
Alan in CT
From: Blue@
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 12:50 PM
Subject: (no subject)
Hello to all those fathers, Just want to let you know I wish you all the best of luck in your efforts to see your children and change some of the archaic laws of the land. Unfortunately we live with the notion that women make the best parent and its a long-standing institution of an idea that can be changed with education and teaching boys and girls at an early age that its best to have 2 parents for their children. Just yesterday, I saw a wonderful thing on "Oprah"...stay at home dads! It seemed they were doing a great job and had made a full commitment to their families. It was inspiring! My children (who are full grown now) are the most important thing in the world to me. Their father, my husband, was raised to believe the mother was the parent and the father was the provider, but he was never a bad father. Laws and ideas can be changed with a lot of hard work...good luck and don't give up
From a mother who believes in 2 parent families!
From: Patti & Brian@
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 10:14 AM
I saw your sign for this sight on the Today show, and thought I would check it out. As a Woman, I wanted you to know we are all not out for money. My ex-husband does not pay any type of support. I know he can't afford to and never requested, while we may not see eye to eye, Destroying him was never an option. My current husband has child support obligations, and his ex-wife takes a far different approach. I can see the affect she has on the child, instilling bitterness and hostility. I hope we all find a solution to this National Epidemic.
Best Wishes
From: evan
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 2:30 PM
Subject: some kids are lucky
While watching the today show,I saw a man holding a sign saying dadbeatdead.com.I am a 21 year old girl,and I haven't seen my father since I was three years old.I have never met half of my family.They never tried to contact me,though they have always known how to contact me. I can say that I did not miss finacial support from my father,but i missed having a father period.Even though he was very abusive to people and drugs and alcohol,I still needed a father figure and it hurts to know he never cared enough to even call or see me.Some kids are lucky to have fathers who want to be in thier life,and the mothers must be horrible people to keep fathers out of thier kids life,showing they care more about thier selfish selves than their kids.All I can call them is Bitches.
Every kid needs thier father in thier life no matter what.
From: MIXMASTER@
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 5:17 PM
Subject: Just a quick hello from the rio grande valley
I just wanted to send a quick hello to let you know I saw your web site on the Today show. I was just on the computer looking for a job and I remembered your site and I thought I'd check it out. I'm a single Dad and my daughter lives with her mom but I'm one of the lucky ones who can call everyday or pick her up anytime. My heart goes out to all the Fathers that are in your situation.Take care and God Bless, Your friend, Captain Jam !
Oh by the way I'm at the very tip of Texas
From: Meg@
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 1:07 PM
Subject: (no subject)
My name is Vernon G. My child's mother abandoned him from the October to December 27, the time she was served with child custody petition. The mother did not come and see or visit the child. Prior to settling the case, we were instructed to visit a social worker that was appointed by the judge. From our first meeting with the social worker, she was against me. She nevered listen to what I had to say or thought everything I had to say was a lie. She never visit any of the homes to check out the backgrounds of both parents. I explained to her that the mother has an unstable environment and that my son would be moving from home to home. And at this point, this process has taken place where the mom is moving from house to house, which is very unstable for my child. It was very disturbing to me to have filed a petition against the mom to get full custody of my child and to have the court system reverse the whole outcome of this custody battle as to make me look like the bad guy. The mom's argument was that she did not know she had the right to take her son at any time. That was her reasoning for not coming to see her child. The courts awarded joint custody with the mom having sole physical custody. And awarded her with a $625.00 a month in child support payments.
From: Matt@
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 9:53 PM
Subject: Thanks You're doing exactly what I tried to do when I was going through all the crap that we good fathers go through.
I black, so that just tripled the problem for me. I had a stready job - making a great salary and the ex-wife was a druggie and left our child in dark alleys. Well, you'd think that would have been enough, but...no sir...I had to fight as though I was the worst person in society. I was one of the lucky ones though. I had a good lawyer who my present wife had gone to school with. He only charged me for the filing fees (after a while I couldn't afford that, then he didn't charge me at all). I had a good Judge...one who was fair (I don't think there ARE any others out there). I got custoday of my only child and the wife gets visitation. She's supposed to pay child support but is $5,000 in arrears and has no intention on paying. She's been in contempt of court 4 times and the #%^ judge just lets her walk every time. I have a friend who is a good father and he DOESN'T have custody of his child AND pays $450/month. He doesn't alway make the entire payment, but at least makes an attempt. One time he ended up being $1,000 in arrears (he couldn't afford to pay $450/month and ALSO live). The judge told him that he had a nice jacket on. "Where did you get that nice jacket," the judge said. My friend told him that a friend of his GAVE it to him. The judge said "Well, maybe your friend should GIVE you the $1,000 in arrears." This is a man who LOVES his child and DOESN'T get to see him. The mother doesn't let him see his child and the court doesn't do anything. My ex is over $5,000 in arrears, doesn't buy the child ANYTHING. No clothes, no food, no dues for Girl Scouts, NOTHING. The judge lets her walk. This is a messed up world we live in when it comes to the children. Here's the sad part. You'd think the male judges would be more compassionate. You'd think they'd understand what men go through. NOPE. They don't. The judges should take into consideration whether the man is at least attempting to make payments. Take into account how much money the man is making. Then, he should consider the child's feelings in all this. You can't take the father away from a child and expect that that child won't have some severe problems growing up. Look at all the things happening in schools, and in the streets. Kids are zapping out over trivial things. They can't handle what we used to regard as nothing back in our day. Someone looks at child the wrong way and he or she is ready to kill somebody. I don't know - they say that women are emotional creatures. Well, since the child is with the mother most of the time and the father is left out, maybe that emotion is rubbin off on the kids - the wrong way. Father's work hard and have to face all sorts of humiliation when it comes to seeing their children. They say that if custody hasn't been established - that it is assumed that both parties have custody. Yea, right!!! Try telling that to the police when you go to see your child and the mother say "hell no!" The police tell you to get a lawyer - there's nothing they can do. And this is something the mother WANTS the child to go through? Most of the time, men are peaceful and just swallow their pride and cry at home, alone. It's a sad picture. There were a many a day when I just sat at home - CRYING because I couldn't see my beautiful little girl. I'm not a religious man, so I didn't pray to GOD to help (my feeling was that if GOD allowed it to happend - which is crazy to think - then GOD surely wasn't going to help something he let happen. I just remained positve and cried most of time when I couldn't help but think about what my daughter must have been thinking. Well, my patience paid off. I have my daughter and she is my life. She's SAFE, LOVED, HAPPY, and most of all....unlike what happens with the Ex's...I don't teach her to hate her mother. Then I would be just like her. I and my daughter are happy, and that's revenge enough. My daughter's 13 now. TEENAGER!!!! Oh, my God...where does it go from here? :o) I love all of you fathers and keep you head up and know that, even though I have mine, I still suffer in spirit with those who don't have theirs.
LOVE....A GOOD FATHER!
From: JENNIFER@
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 1:38 PM
Subject: Ken, I want to help if I can.
Hello Ken, I was watching the TODAY show this morning and there was the web address for this web site. I, a mother of 2 beautiful daughters wanted to just drop a line and offer to help. I wanted to say that I have full custody our (me and my X's) daughter, because time and time again he has left us in bad situations or even worse he has gotten himself in trouble with the law. I didn't beat him to death with the custody, as a matter of fact he didn't even show up for the hearing! All of that aside, I tried to give him visitation and he would say he was busy if it even remotely sounded like I had plans for the weekend. What I am really here for is that, I am a daycare provider, and on occasion I run into single dads, and of course SINGLE MOM's! There isn't all that much that I can do for you and your cause, but I would like to try something. If you would like me to help, I was thinking that maybe I can get in touch with some of our major HOME Association groups and even set up a table at our CONFERENCES to hand out materials to other daycare providers. As a provider we always ask if the other parent is involved in the childs life and if not why and so on. I think it would be a great idea if as providers we could educate ourselves to help promote healthy visitation. Maybe help facilitate visitation, in hopes that even if there is little hope of custody, at least the other parent would be able to have NORMAL VISITATION. People need to understand the importance of good visitation, and healthy relationships between child and BOTH parents. Daycare providers see and spend more time with the children, and that when it comes down to COURT ISSUES a daycare providers imput should count for something. I don't know that any of this is help to you but please think about it!
Jennifer Salem Oregon
From: Kara@
Sent: Friday, June 15, 2001 1:32 PM
Subject: in response to your site
Dear Ken, I saw someone holding a sign with your url on the today show a few days ago. I checked out your sight and I'm glad that I did. I have had a step dad and 2 step brothers for 10 years now. I love them all very much. I have watched my step dad go threw sooooo much trying to stay involved with my two younger step brothers only to have their mother sabotage his every effort. He does pay his child surport, on time , without failure, every month. He deserves respect from his sons, yet he is afraid to disipline them for fear of losing their love. I Wish there was something I could do. It hurts me to see him hurt. This situation is cause my younger 1/2 brother to hate my step brother becuase they are never punished. This father less society effect all of us in ways you could never imagine. I would love to help you in anyway I can, I also have any older brother who is in the truest sense an dead beat dad. He has abdonnoned two children of his own. I watch him lives "high on the hog" while his children do with out. I feel that society has said to men that it's ok to leave your children. We need to find a way to separate the men from the boys if you know what I mean. I also want to say that not all mothers that recieve child surport are using the system. I am a single motherOf a five year old child who I equally surport. I would never use her as a pawn, She maybe little but her emotions are huge!!!!!!!!! Women have got to understand.......when they knock daddy....they knock the child!!!!!!!!! When my duaghter asks me why her daddy doesn't love her.....I simply say " He does love you, he just doesn't show it in the same ways that mommy does." Children are the real victim here. Let me put it into perspective for you. Everyone is equally guilty. Moms for knocking dads and dads for giving up! We all need to work together........Ask yourself this..Who will can for me when I'm old? If we create an thrown away society ..........this monster will eventually eat itself.
Email me with your thoughts and comments@ Thanks Kara
From: patrick@
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 2:36 PM
Subject: Bled dry in Wa.St. Ken,
I saw your sign this morning on the Today show and I knew immediately what it meant. They say that no man is an island but for a father without his children the isolation is very real and intolerable. My agenda driven, fem-nazi ex-wife who just happens to work in the courthouse and her maeal ticket, who just happens to be a family law attorney have been putting the screws to me for four and a half years now. It amazes me to this day that a woman can commit adultery, break-up two families, live immorally and yet be percieved by the courts as a "single mom" and is thus able to use her children as financial pawns in order to further her lavish and disgusting lifestyle with the courts blessing. I've have been treated and continue to be treated like a criminal by the courts and this state and have reached the point where I know longer care to play by their rules. My son recently turned 18 and I was hoping for some relief, being on the edge of bankruptcy, but she has petitioned the court to nearly double the support for my 12 year old daughter to nearly 800.00 dollars a month. I am seriously considering leaving the state and going undrground. When you put a pricetag on your childrens head it makes it very difficult to have a healthy loving relationship with them, I've been barely getting by now for years, I'm 40,000.00 dollars in debt and sinking fast. I am not trying to ignore my financial obligation as a parent but I have made 110,000.00 dollars in the past four years before taxes and paid nearly 50,000.00 dollars in child support. Whatever happened to fairness in this society? I am guilty of one crime in this state and that is the crime of being a man. And as a man I can no longer tolerate this. She was given everything but that's not enough. Well it's enough for me,m thanks for listening and goodluck,
Sincerly, Patrick
From PEBBLES@
Sent: Friday, June 15, 2001 5:19 PM
Subject: wife of a money father
Ken, I am the wife of a man who pays child support for his daughter and has no rights as far as to see her. She is a bright a cheerful child after she is with us and our other two daughters. She has told me that her mother has said that she wishes she was never born. That by having her she ruined her body and social life. I have given birth to two beautiful girls but tell everyone that I have three. I do not regret having them and cannot see how people can say that to an innocent child. I can feel for the men that are missing there children as I see my strong husband cry after he heres from her. When we do get to see her I am afraid that her mother will call the police and tell them that we have kidnapped her. I have to say that I am proud of the men that take interest in there children and I am saddened by the women who don't let the children see the fathers. I know that I would not be who I am if it wasn't for my father and have watch my oldest feel out of place (before I met my husband) watching other kids play with there fathers. I hope that one day fathers will have equal rights when it comes to child custody.
Good luck and my prayers are with all of the fathers, Chrisi
From: RJV@
Sent: Friday, June 15, 2001 5:39 PM
Subject: Abuse of the "Deadbeat Dad Law"
Hello Ken, Thanks for the opportunity to allow many wonderful fathers/mothers, (in my case "fathers") who are being financially, mentally and morally abused by the spiteful custodial parent. My name is Rosemary Vargas, my husband's life, and my own, along with our three children's lives have all been torn apart and thrown into shambles because of what the, not-so-well thoughtout fairness of the "Deadbeat Dad Law" has allowed to happen. According to the DBD Law, the CSED is allowed to garnish pay, which they have, throw the non-custodial parent in jail, which they have, and take away the professional license and the driver's license to do what? My husband was paying his child support, plus the arrears, now that my husband has no license, he will surely end up in jail again because the CSED has forced him, and the rest of our family of five to live on welfare. YES, THE FIVE OF US ARE ON WELFARE, INCLUDING MY HUSBAND, THE "NON-CUSTODIAL PARENT." This is all because "We the people..." have allowed this DBD Law to go too far. I don't understand how this could happen when the reason for my husband being "the deadbeatdad" is the fault of the custodial parent who left the state of California with the child and didn't go by the law and inform us of the where abouts of the child. Ten years later, and an outrageously rediculous $90,000.00 in arrears amount. Does society actually think that my husband can pay that, plus the current child support, plus support the rest of his obligations? By the way, obligations change all the time! Like when my husband's ex-wife runs away mad because he has moved on with me. We are humans too. What about her breaking the law? She has stole a precious ten years of fatherly love from her son by taking him and running away. My husband and I have three wonderful and smart children together, and they love their daddy more than anything in this world. Now our children have to see their dad broken down into a mere worthless person on welfare!!!
Now, I am not knocking down welfare, because without them, we would have no income at all.
From: "Christopher
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 9:26 PM
Subject: No subject was specified.
I saw a man standing in the background of the Today show, and I wanted to let you know your sign did not go unnoticed. It breaks my heart that couples (especially with children) are getting divorced, and the children are left being the innocent victims. I hope your efforts are able to help those in need. Women understand that it takes two to make a child, and two to raise them properly. Balance in all things. Good luck to you and all those men out there who really do love their children. Fathers, please make sure you have made every effort to let your children know how much you love them. Never give up. You never know when they might come back to you. Your children can always look back and say, "My dad never gave up on me."
Good luck to you all. JML
From: Clayton
Sent: Monday, July 09, 2001 8:55 PM
Subject: Re: Thank You
Hi Ken, I read your web site and I sympathize with what you are going through. Your problems are very similar to what my dad's were. Thank-you for your support. It looks like Journey for Kids is getting bigger and bigger and I think I'll be able to get strong support from quite a few legislators and maybe we'll get some changes. I'll need a rest after my trek - heck I need one now - and the USVI sure sounds good, especially to a kid freezing in Calgary this winter so it would be good to take you up on your hospitality offer if we can swing it.
Regards, Clayton
From: "Jamie
Sent: Wednesday, July 11, 2001 11:34 AM
Subject: Thanks for having this site
When I saw your sign, I was disgusted, I said to
myself another person putting down men as fathers. It's already enough they
show a man driving down the street in a car and then he stops to drop his son
off in the middle of nowhere and then takes off.... what they r trying to say
is be a better dad go to WWW.betterdads.com
I know this message is long but I've been in so much pain and it's not even my pain to feel!!!
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